


Snoops

by MotherHecker



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Gap Filler, Humor, Pre-Future Sailors, Tromboner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 04:14:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16611743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherHecker/pseuds/MotherHecker
Summary: Remember that part in Future Sailors where Vince said he and Leroy rifled through Howard's stuff? I do.





	Snoops

**Author's Note:**

> Short and bad, but I wanted to write it, so heck you.

"I brought my lock picking kit. What are we doing?" Leroy asked, at the Boosh's doorstep.

"This way, my partner in crime." Vince gestured for him to come inside.

They strolled up the stairs and to Howard's door. Vince tried to jiggle the handle, but it was locked. He took the kit out of Leroy's hands and began to work on the door.

As Vince did his thing, he explained, "I need to find some incriminating shit so I can blackmail Howard later. Not for anything specific. Just good to have when ever he gets on his high horse. I can kick him off with, 'Oh, you... Have a... Dildo or something.'"

"Hey, you know I'm up for anything, Vince."

With a click, the door surrendered and opened. "Good."

They wordlessly stepped inside and began their investigation. Leroy delved into the dresser drawers, looking under all the unfashionable garments for any drugs. Vince went for the books, flipping through them in case Howard had hidden any notes between the pages.

After a few minutes, Vince gave up on the books and layed onto his stomach so he could look under the bed. All he could see was Howard's case for his trumpet. Vince pulled it out and got onto his knees as he opened it up. Yep, a trumpet. Exactly as he expected. Vince was about to close the case until he realised there was a magazine lining it.

"Ooh, hello..." Vince murmured inquisitively. He pulled it out and instantly smiled.

"Oh, my God, Leroy, I think I got something good!"

Leroy ran over to the his friend and got down on one knee to look at the magazine. The cover was already so hilarious, the contents must be astounding.

It was porn. Porn with a jazz theme. Oh, and the cherry on top? Howard was on the cover. Howard was in a jazz porn magazine. Now, THAT is blackmail!

"I think the most disturbing thing about this is I'm not that surprised," Leroy commented.

"Wow. I don't know whether to throw up, laugh, or be aroused. Maybe all three at once. Oh, God, I wish I hadn't imagined that."

Vince glanced at a few of the interior pages before he turned to his snooping colleague.

"Have you got anything, Leroy?"

Leroy held up a bunch of pages stapled together. "I found the script for his little play in that live show you're doing."

"Oh, let me see?" He offered his hand and Leroy placed it there.

Vince skimmed over the first few paragraphs and grimaced. "Oof... This is bad."

"I'll say. I can't let you guys perform this. It is my duty to stop it."

"Your duty?"

"Yeah, it's my business. I flag up problems. I drive around and look for problems. If I see a problem, I put up a flag."

"Don't worry. I can stop him from this. I'll write a different play."

"But the show's on Saturday. How are you gonna write a play in only two days?"

"Oh, it's easy, you just make an outrageously gay character, put in some futuristic themes, fashion, two small songs, and you're done. I do shit like this every week."

"Alright, but how are you going to get him to stop HIS play? He's pretty passionate about his creations, he won't go down easy."

"Leroy, my friend, I have one word for you..." Vince held up the magazine, showcasing the pages in the dead centre. "Tromboner."


End file.
